It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was… Chinese New Year.
It’s the only time you get paid just for existing (unless you’ve been forced to move on from this time-honoured tradition, in which case – our condolences to you). It’s also a time you get to reunite with your grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and even those relatives whose faces you only vaguely remember (is that your dad’s second cousin once removed?). And everyone is just so interested to know all about how your life is going.
So, when you hear one of the following questions, instead of just staring back at them like this…
…here’s how you can answer them in the best possible way: with food!
Q: How much do you earn?
A: Not enough to order food I love everyday without your ang baos, thank you.
Q: Where’s your boyfriend/girlfriend?
A: They kept taking my fries, so I took them out of my life.
Q: When are you getting married?
A: When my food gets here… food is the one I want to marry.
Q: Where’s my great-grandchild?
A: Let’s wait until this meal is over, then you can meet your great-grandchild: my food baby!
Q: Do you remember me?
A: What? I can’t hear you over the sound of the doorbell – my food is here!
Q: How come I can’t see anything on your Facebook?
A: Oh, I don’t use Facebook anymore. The only thing I like scrolling through these days are online restaurant menus.
Q: Have you gained weight?
A: Yes, with free delivery from so many restaurants, I can’t stop eating!
Q: Have you lost weight?
Just kidding. No one ever gets asked this.
This Chinese New Year, eat your way out of awkward family reunions with foodpanda.